Communication in a relationship is one of the most important foundations of any success. As long as you communicate and are honest, open and yourself then you can take on just about anything together. However that is easier said than done for a lot of people. There are things that get in the way like pride, hurt from the past, jealousy, resentment, fear and many others that rear their ugly heads when you are about to open your heart.
We aren't talking about who is going to pay the bills this month, or who is going to pick up the kids, wash the dogs, get a better job...no no, this is the stuff that is much harder than that. Communicated feelings and intensions are the toughest to get out and put into words. Here are some things to try to help even the shyest of souls express and communicate to keep that connection flowing.
1. Write letters. So you live in the same house, and your point is? Not only is it nice to get something other than bills in the mail it is a way to write out how you feel and make it official by putting it through the post. You can find fun stationary that suits the other person, add drawings or love notes, scent it, put a magazine article in there about something they like, just get creative.
2. Leave love notes. When you find a little note in surprising places like under your deodorant, wrapped around your toothbrush, or under your favorite pillow, it truly makes your day. Thinking about the other person and leaving them positive and loving thoughts keeps that soft heart for you.
3. Meditate or pray together. Whatever your spiritual calling, when you are both quiet in an intimate moment, eyes closed, breathing together and feeling each other's energy, then you say out loud the hopes and protections you want for your partner, whether it's to God or just to your higher source, that keeps a deep and loving connection knowing that they care about you enough to do it.
4. Travel together whenever possible. Car pool together, walk to the store together, bike ride to farmer's market, etc. so that you are talking and experiencing the time alone, not distracted and able to talk openly, listen to music, sharing the "ride". It also creates more memories and deepens your friendship.
5. Never talk about the tough stuff in anger. Go cool off first with a quick jog, a ride around the block or another healthy way to blow off steam. Then when you are calm and you have had time to say all the nasty stuff in your head, you can articulate how you feel with words that are kinder and more meaningful. Always speak as if you are being recorded. The person who is on the other end will be playing your message back over and over and you want it to be constructive and not hurtful.
Its always good to be open and express how you feel but always remember to express in love for the other person and not in a selfish way for your own wants. When both people are doing what's best for the other person then your needs will be met and you will both feel connected and supported.
If you would like more ideas or ways to better communicate with your partner, please contact us and we can help you become a better communicator and reach that connection once again.
Sex and Love Therapy
Guilford or West Hartford: 860.952.9070