Have you ever started dating someone and suddenly saw that they are not who they made themselves out to be? Like she said she is very "natural" but you always see a half ton of make-up on her face, false lashes and hair extensions? Or he said he is a total outdoorsy type, but he only wants to be inside watching movies and play video games.
We have all put our best foot forward on the first couple of dates, you want to leave that first impression and have a bit of mystery at the same time. But at what point is it going too far in completely faking it, and lying about our true selves?
How many dates does it actually take to see the real person behind the facade? Well there is no formula...but most relationships either go forward or end at the two year mark because the other person's deepest nature usually springs it's head by then. Many couples see a switch in the way the other person handles anger, finances, stress, illness, death and other obstacles in emotional strain that give you the best idea of how they deal with it.
As for total posers, they give you signs on the second or third date and if they are too smooth for showing their true colors then, once you start living with them its a whole different story!
Usually on the first couple of dates if you are observant and smart you can figure out that person is just saying and doing things to get you to like them.
"Oh you said you liked paddle boarding so on our date we will be going on an ocean hike to the caves."..."What's that? You only did it once on a video game? Uh, well that doesn't count."
Some things are dismissible like saying they love camping but it was when they were four years old and now they can't even put up a tent. Other things like lying about their religion, their financial status or that they have kids are big no-no's and should be your red flag to get out of there.
Regardless of when and what you are looking for, don't get over excited too soon and try to get them to reveal more about themselves. Watching them with family, friends and in their own environment will all be key things to observe in the early stages of dating to hear their impressions of them and see them in their own space.
Many opposites attract and even if they are horrible at cooking and said they were a 'god in the kitchen', you can let them know that being themselves is the only way a true relationship can work. Only when you are confident and happy with who you are, can you find someone who is happy and in love with the true you.